Thoughts While Juicing…

It’s funny this business of juicing, juicing to lose weight, because I’ve never felt more at home in my body.

I no longer care that my thighs have (lots of) dimples and sometimes rub together when I walk which show when I wear my favourite thing, short white denim cutoffs.

Which I didn’t allow myself to wear for so long. But they make me happy. They remind me of being carefree and dusty in Bali, of wearing them over and over until they are grubby and of constantly slipping them on and off to swim.

I’ve stopped forgetting or simply not seeing that I have lovely hair, beautiful, happy shiny eyes and lots of other really nice bits that make up a whole me.

I have put on a few kegs recently and although I’m starting somewhat of a cleanse it’s more about realigning myself with the foods my body responds to. Not to “loose the baby weight” but to feel better within my own skin. For me.

I like nice things and I really like clothes and how they sit on a body well as if they were made for that person no matter the size. I have a tightly edited wardrobe that has a little give but is getting to the point where I’m choosing certain pieces over others. Which means a little restraint is in order.

Which is actually necessary for my body to function at its best. I feel tired and sluggish which says to me immediately more green juice, less wine. I’m craving sugary carbohydrates because let’s face it I have two kids and a baby – I’m tired. But my body needs me to help myself, to pump up the protein and good carbs – a chicken and avo toasted sandwich is in order.

I’ve finally learned to listen. It’s taken thirty five years but it’s happened and it’s a revelation. I no longer care what other women think of me because I realise it’s a lifelong image projection coming to them through the glass of a television, the pages of a magazine and now social media particularly Instagram.

And as for men, those dear sweet boys, they truly are from a different planet because they just don’t see us the way we see ourselves. They look for in a mate someone they can swim in the ocean with, climb mountains with, be ALIVE with. They choose strength – mental strength, a mind that’s free of this weighty burden we develop through years of unhealthy indoctrination. When a dude tells you he’s attracted to confidence believe him, because he’s telling the truth, it’s media that’s lying to you.

And it’s time to tune out.

In our own home we turned our TV off many years ago and watch the odd series or movie commercial free. The kids are allowed to watch something once in a while, something they really want, usually a movie as a family is their choice. I see a completely different attitude in our girl to the way I was at her age. I know it will last her entire life and I’ve given her a true gift.

Looks have zero currency for Ari. She is aware she’s a beautiful child but it means nothing, less than nothing, in fact she’s appalled that someone might only like her for how she looks. It has connotations of an evil Disney villain and to anyone who suggests she has Princess Hair watch out! She looks at me with disdain when I present her with a new outfit and asks why she didn’t get Lego like her brother.

I’ve since learned my lesson there too. She knows it gives me pleasure to dress her so she tolerates it but there’s a strict limit to her congeniality. It must be comfy and utilitarian. Shorts and a tshirt are best. I add sparkles when I can.

She eats when she’s hungry, eats what she likes and what makes her feel good. She has never overeaten and felt sick from it, doesn’t fantasise about fast food or “just a little treat”.

What has taken me a life to learn she already knows. Society can not tell her what is best for her, because she understands it’s already within her power to be good to herself, to Love herself. For the things that matter – her heart not her thigh gap, her charity not her possessions and her ability to create, not watch it play out in front of her on the telly.

I used to read my favourite Roald Dahl quote “if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely” and think that’s wonderful, how nice, as if I was going to be like that one day. Someday. Probably never.

Now I believe in it. Just LIVE by it. And as with everything, once you believe it simply happens.

My daughter is my greatest teacher. And I am beautiful because of her. And for the very first time in my life I don’t need to be told so, I know so.

 

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